


This is why we can't have nice things

by Cardinal_Sin (HU_shipper)



Category: Powerwolf (Band)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, M/M, NERDS all of them, Pick-Up Lines, Relationship Reveal, but like....the side ship, roel is new, so its whatever, yes again i love this theme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 17:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19873507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HU_shipper/pseuds/Cardinal_Sin
Summary: It's like the entire world is against Charles. It's just a tiny crush, for Heaven's sake, why do they have to make such a big deal out of it?





	This is why we can't have nice things

"Guys, we have a big fucking problem."

"And what would that be, oh brother mine?" Matthew drawled.

Charles groaned and dropped into the only free chair left in the booth. Matthew looked terribly smug, eating Smarties out of the box, his legs slung over the armrest of his chair. He was probably hungover (or still drunk) judging by the sunglasses he was wearing (indoors) and the slight smell of alcohol on his breath.

"Don't act so damn pleased with yourself, Ratthew," he hissed. "Our problem is," he pointed to the other side of the glass, where the new drummer was losing himself in a solo, " _that_."

Matthew let out an outraged gasp. "Charles! You surely wouldn't-"

"He's hot, you're an annoying fucker who thinks acting like that will get him into Falk's pants, and I'm a disaster with no idea how to get into _his_ pants."

Matthew sat up a little straighter, clearly offended by the jab on his crush on Falk. Charles pretended not to notice the way his eyes shifted momentarily to Falk. Sure, it was low of him, but sometimes Matthew got into one of his moods and needed to be put back into his place.

"Okay," Matthew interrupted the _ten seconds_ of blissful fucking silence, chewing the chocolate with his mouth open. "I'm thinking classic dating stuff. How are your conversation starters?"

"Matthew, you can't expect him to use conversation starters, they're way too lame!" Attila exclaimed, apparently deeming himself worthy of the discussion. Charles felt relief flood him. At least someone was on his side. "He's got to use pickup lines!"

Immediately ruined it. Thank you, god of Wednesdays. Garbage day. So Attila was out as well. Charles wiped a hand down his face. He knew he should have expected his batshit insane bandmates to cause more damage than help, but fuck him for hoping, I guess.

"Ohh, you're right!"

Matthew jumped up from his chair, dropping his Smarties. He grabbed Charles by the shoulders and stared into his face from about five centimetres. Yup, he was definitely still drunk.

"Let's hear your best pickup line, Charles!"

Charles shoved him back a little. "I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Do you have any other big fucking plan on how to woo mister Dutch accent right there?"

"...No."

"That's what I thought. Now say it."

F U C K.

"Are you from Tennessee? Because... Because you're the only ten I see."

The silence was deafening. Charles was pretty sure he could hear everyone's heartbeat.

The laughter that erupted in exactly three seconds was one of the loudest and most embarrassing things Charles had had the pleasure to experience in his entire life. Matthew collapsed back into his chair. Attila was hiding his face in his palms, his shoulders shaking. Falk was grinning at the scene in front of him, chewing gum with a smug expression.

"Look, it's not like I ever needed pickup lines before!"

"Yeah," Falk snorted, "because your sex life has always been non-existent."

"Ouchhhh," Matthew hissed, giggling a little. "Great burn, babe!"

"Hey, fuck you two! It's not li – wait what? Babe?"

Awkward silence descended over all of them. Attila was actively fading into the background. Matthew was desperately trying to fade behind Falk, but he stopped him with an arm wrapping around his waist.

"Charles Greywolf," Falk started, his voice clear and elevated, "I've been fucking your fake little brother since the beautiful winter of 2009."

Matthew snickered a little and stepped out of Falk's embrace. Charles knew that his face must have been a fucking delight to the devious little prick. So two goddamn years. They managed to keep it a secret for two godforsaken years.

"So what pickup lines do you suggest?" He asked, his voice cracking a little. He wasn't embarrassed, he decided, just surprised.

And definitely not jealous.

"Well, my personal favourite is the following," Matthew started, his voice suddenly all business, " _My lips are like Skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?_ "

Charles had no idea how to react to that. It was literally the worst fucking thing he had ever heard in his moderately short life.

"Wait a second," Falk joined the conversation, "That was supposed to be a pickup line? I thought it was-"

"Because I was horny and eating Skittles? Love, that was exactly what it was about. But the pickup line gave me the inspiration."

Falk threw up a hand in the air, a clear sign of defeat. "I can't believe I'm dating the biggest dumbass this country has to offer."

"Aww, thanks, babe," Matthew chittered with a sweet smile. "You're a fucking idiot."

"Die in a pit, Ratthew," Falk shot back.

Ah, true love.

"Okay, let's get back to the Greyhero Date Organising," Attila announced, clapping twice.

"The what now?" The other three asked in unison.

Attila shook his head. "Greyhero is Charles and Roel. Roel's last name is van Helden. Don't be dumb, guys."

"That's fucking genius," Falk laughed, throwing his head back in delight. "Do me and Matthew?"

"First, that's _Matthew and I,_ and second, I have a girlfriend, Falk."

Matthew was literally lying on the floor by that point.

"Fine," Attila sighed. "I guess you could be Malk? No, that just sounds like off-brand milk. Falkew, maybe?"

"It's terrible," Matthew gasped out, "I love it!"

"Guys, please," Charles sighed. "Roel's going to come out soon."

Matthew opened his bitch mouth, the shithead. Charles knew exactly what he was going to say, and he was having none of that.

"Not what I meant; shut your face."

Yeah, so that was a little harsher than strictly necessary, but the man was getting out of hand.

"Um, hey," Roel's voice suddenly filled the booth. Charles felt a chill run down his spine. "Someone left the comm on."

In that second, Charles just wanted the earth to split in two and swallow him. He could feel colour rising in his cheeks, a rare, embarrassed blush.

But who could have kept the comm on? Who was sitting down the entire time, closest to the window, staying in the background? Egging on Matthew and Charles to make the conversation more and more ridiculous while only stepping in to stir the pot?

Falk.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Charles screamed and charged at Falk. He took his finger off the button and threw his hands in the air.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he laughed, "but I just couldn't leave Roel out of this! It was beautiful."

He put his finger back on the button. _Don't press it you bloody fucking asshole, don't –_ he pressed it.

"Roel, hi, just telling this dork about the show he put on for you."

"It was amazing Charles," Roel laughed on the other side of the glass. "Truly a theatrical masterpiece."

"Welcome to the family," Charles sighed, defeated. "This is what a regular bitchfight looks like over here."

Roel laughed again. Damn, he had such a nice laugh, deep and rumbling and comforting.

"Thank you. And hey, maybe I could take you out for dinner tomorrow so you can practice your pickup lines on me?"

Charles glared at Falk once more. Falk made an awkward thumbs up and grinned goofily. Charles brushed a hand through his beard.

"Yeah, yeah I'd like that."

Fuck all of his friends anyway.


End file.
